The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Enterprise Software

Last Updated on April 7, 2021 by

Executive Summary

  • Due to the large numbers of IT decision makers who struggle to question the picture painted by ERP vendors to obtain objective knowledge, this article is designed to make them feel better.

The image above is not a real book, not an attempt to say that the publisher would publish it. It is a parody of a book published but would be for actual idiotic IT decision-makers. It would be designed not to tell them the truth but to give them the false information they crave and reinforce their preexisting inaccurate beliefs. Such a book would receive enormous promotion from Oracle, SAP, and their consulting firms that would send out free copies to customers and prospects. 

Video Introduction: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Enterprise Software

Text Introduction (Skip if You Watched the Video)

At Brightwork Research & Analysis, we receive very poorly informed questions frequently. Normally, the questions ask for our view or affirmation of an IT topic being asserted by some vendor or consulting firm or Gartner. This questioning allows the individual to ask the question to assert the status quo without thinking for themselves, which is the desire of many people who work in IT. For this reason, we thought it would be good to encapsulate some advice for SAP and Oracle that is not only easy to follow but puts feeling good and fitting ahead of what is true.

Our References for This Article

If you want to see our references for this article and related Brightwork articles, see this link.

Point of Advice #1: Always Follow the Directives of Your Sales Rep

When dealing with SAP and Oracle sales reps, it is important always to accept whatever the SAP and Oracle sales rep says to you. You do not need to verify anything because they are the official source of information on their products.

For example, when SAP said their database worked 100,000 times faster than any competing technology, that turned out to be true, as you can read in the article How Accurate Was SAP HANA Being 100,000 Times Faster Than Any Other Technology in the World.

With Oracle Cloud, Larry Ellison stated that there would never be another update. And all the Oracle customers I know say this is also true. They have not observed any disruptions to their business from problematic updates.

Why is Information That Comes from SAP and Oracle Sales People is So Good

Both SAP and Oracle have sales training for their salespeople, and SAP and Oracle salespeople always understand your requirements. This means that whatever sales BOM is offered to you will be the right combination of products for your needs. 

Why SAP and Oracle Salespeople Can and Should Always be Trusted

Oracle and SAP salespeople only have quotas developed by Larry Ellison and whoever is co-CEO of SAP to look out for their clients’ interests. There has never been a case where an Oracle salesperson has looked out for their interests versus their customer’s interests. This is a testament to how Oracle (but SAP also) has both developed incredibly ethical companies from the very top of the organization all the way to the first-year hire. 

Point of Advice #2: Get Rid of That Irksome Legacy Software

It is important to eliminate all of your legacy systems and replace them with SAP and Oracle. Legacy software is from a time when legacy software was created, and it wasn’t enjoyable. But you don’t have to keep using legacy software because we now have SAP and Oracle, which will never be legacy. 

Getting Clear on Legacy

Some people think they know what the definition of legacy is, but they don’t. Here is the official Brightwork Research & Analysis definition of legacy.

Legacy is….whatever the software salesperson says legacy is.

For example, I went to the car dealership the other day for an oil change, and they told me my vehicle was legacy. They had non-legacy vehicles they said that I could purchase right there, and so I did.

This replacement of all legacy systems can be accomplished because, in nearly all cases, all requirements can be met, as the salesperson says, “out of the box.” And this will mean close to no custom code.

The way it works is that as soon as the software is activated, best practices begin to flow from software bringing digital transformation to your business and creating an instant ROI. Some customers don’t see best practices immediately, but only because the best practices switch is not activated within the software. As soon as that happens, then best practices are unstoppable.

Point of Advice #3: Always Use The Term Digitial Transformation

Back in the 1700s, we used to use the term “systems implementation.” This was an awful term because it described what was being done too accurately. And even worse, the term lacked any promotional flair. You will mark yourself as a rank amateur if you use this term and are generally considered a loser. The appropriate term now is “digital transformation.”

Why Digital Transformation as a Term?

Digital transformation means crowning yourself before you have done anything.

Let us say you start a project. But then the next month you cancel the project.

Here is the riddle.

Is this a digital transformation?

The answer is yes!

Why? Because you called it a digital transformation project and not a system’s implementation, and you did technically begin the project. Voila! A massive failure is instantly converted into a huge success. If you led this DT, you could now put that DT on your resume.

In fact, the rule is that even planning DT is still a type of DT, because again, the term is inherently virtuous. For more details on this fantastic term, can keep up with all of the latest digital transformation terms in the article How to Use More of the Digital Transformation Terms! 

Point of Advice #4: Procurement

Your procurement team, which last negotiated a bulk purchase of chairs and then routers, is the perfect team to negotiate with Oracle and SAP. They will understand how both of these companies work and get the best value for you. This is because it is unnecessary to have any experience buying or to negotiate with either of these companies. After all, the process is straightforward, and both companies are sincere. Tell your procurement team to just..

“Go ahead and go for it and don’t look back.” 

Point of Advice #5: Gartner

Try to leverage Gartner as much as possible!

Gartner receives enormous sums of money from SAP and Oracle, but you can trust Gartner to put you first and to tell you all the tricks to bring down your price and lower your lock-in with both of these vendors. As we cover in the article, The Problem With How Gartner Makes its Money, Gartner has the highest possible integrity, and you should listen to them and buy as many of their reports as possible. 

Point of Advice #6: Project Implementation

As we cover in Brightwork’s SAP Corruption and Deception Quadrant, there are so many good companies to choose from when implementing SAP and Oracle, and it is hard to choose among the offerings. Whether it is Deloitte or Wipro, you are virtually guaranteed to have an excellent outcome. Since you turn, you get great value, and I want to focus on what to require from any of the firms you hire. 

Insist on the Full H1-B Experience

Most of the SAP and Oracle consulting firms have high numbers of H1-B visa consultants and recent H1-B visa consultants. Some consulting firms will try to sneak non-H1B Indians on the project. Resist this, do not accept any substitutes, and insist on 100% of the consultants on your project being H1-B visa or ex H1-B visa Indians. 

This will allow maximal coercive power as H1Bs can be threatened as they are all attempting to get green cards. And it also maximizes the consulting company’s margin, and a high margin on resources is critical to project success.

Why Only H1-B?

I also recommend trying to sneak in just a few B-1 visa holders. This can allow the consulting firm to obtain roughly 97 percent margins by paying salaries back in India and violating the B-1 visa requirement. As we cover in the article How Infosys Violated B-1 Visa Law and Charged Clients a 98.6% Margin

Indians do not like working with women, and we get many complaints from women about working with Indian men. However, once a team is all male and Telugu speaking Indians of the appropriate castes (make sure the managers are Brahmin) from Andra Pradesh, India, and all others are excluded from employment, the team has met the perfect diversity quotient. Some women and other groups may complain about this, but it is a small price to pay to hit this diversity goal.

Once this team is exactly as composed, then the project is ready to commence. 

Point of Advice #7: Support 

This point of advice is short.

Always buy the highest support option from SAP or Oracle. I recommend SAP Max Attention to all of my clients. SAP and Oracle support are excellent, as I cover in the article How Do The Margins on SAP and Oracle Support Compare to Pablo Escobar, and it so good you will think you have died and went to heaven.

Point of Advice #8: IT Spending…Don’t Worry About It

The ROI on software like ERP systems and any system is so high; there is never any need to worry about how much you are spending.

The more you spend, the higher the ROI.

The question is how much you can buy in one purchase cycle. Try to lock in maximally to both the consulting firm and the vendor. The more you lock-in, and reduce your options, the better you will be treated as the consulting firm and software vendor will be so impressed with your commitment level. Customers receive the best customer service when they have no other options. 

Point of Advice #9: Assume Success for Each Project

Positive people bring success to them, and negative people do the same. This is scientifically proven in the book The Secret, which states that positive people attract positive things to them through the “law of attraction,” I can’t recommend this book highly enough. Furthermore, in addition to the strong evidence I provided to you from this book, very few software projects since the software was first invented have ever failed. The average success the ratio is 105%. And that is pretty good. According to a math class I took from McKinsey & Co, that means only about 1% of projects have ever failed. 

Therefore, you can assume your revenues will increase dramatically by the simple act of purchasing the software. Tell your finance team to raise the earnings forecast as soon as the paperwork is signed! Remember, “Failure is not an option.”

Many Thanks!

So many people have helped me come up with this guide.

  1. First, I want to thank vendor salespeople and marketers, who constantly stream 100% accurate information.
  2. Next consulting firms in IT who keep bringing best practices and absolute integrity to their clients.
  3. Also, I don’t want to leave independent consultants and project managers who are truly the industry’s trusted advisors. With this guide, you cannot go wrong.